Saturday, November 11, 2006

been awhile

so I've been gone awhile. I've had better things to do. Sue me.

This sounds really strange, but I'm kind of hoping that my parents split up soon. The love in the relationship was gone a long time ago, and I have a feeling the only reason they try to hold it together is for my brother and me. But the hate just builds and builds...then it explodes and makes everyone want to tear each others throats out. The thing is, I think that if they would just split up, they could be civil, maybe even friendly. I've accepted that it will happen, and now waiting has become the hardest part.

in case you're wondering, the above was brought on by a particularly unpleasant night yesterday.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

already sick

I could say that my being sick today was the result of my chronic necessitated insomnia supressing my immune system, but if I'm going to be honest, it was probably the reheated chinese food I ate last night.

I could have been productive, even though I'm sick, but I wasn't. I did some work on 43things.com and finished the Friendship Bracelet for a swap on swap-bot that was already late, but apart from that i just watched two movies, drank 3 water bottles, 1 half bottle of gatorade, and ate 3/4 of a can of chicken soup before throwing it back up.

I really really need another bookshelf. And I really really want more books. I'm sensing a Barnes & Noble excursion in my near future. Call me psychic.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Definitions

I get a lot of flak for being antisocial. But I decided to look up the actual meaning of the word antisocial, and it really doesn't fit me at all.

an‧ti‧so‧cial  /[an-tee-soh-shuhl, an-tahy-]
–adjective
1.
unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly way with other people: He's not antisocial, just shy.
2.
antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing; threatening: an antisocial act.
3.
opposed or detrimental to social order or the principles on which society is constituted: antisocial behavior.
4.
Psychiatry. of or pertaining to a pattern of behavior in which social norms and the rights of others are persistently violated. –noun
5.
a person exhibiting antisocial traits.

yes, I steal from Dictionary.com, but my Oxford's English dictionary is somewhere under my desk and I have no motivation to go dig through it.

Anways, I am not hostile toward other people, or unfriendly, menacing or threatening. I simply prefer to be alone or in a small group with people I genuinely like rather than a large group consisting mostly of people I have no real desire to be with. Introvert fits me much better. And yes, I am labeling myself. This whole new business about not labeling people is bull crap. Humans identify thing and people through their most apparent characteristics, it's just how we deal with the world. If we took the time to REALLY get to know every person in order to not pigeonhole them into one specific category, our brains would be so overloaded with information that the lobotomy would come back into fashion.

The other thing I find is that complete, anonymous strangers are infinitely more interesting than people I see every day but don't really know. Not in a creepy, let's go lurk around chatrooms kind of way, but in the way that I would be perfectly okay with going to a brand new environment and getting to know brand new people there than get to know some of the chicas and chicos I associate with now. I've also been called judgemental. And I am. But so are you, I just don't lie about it.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Rambling News Anchor

So I'm currently participating in about 5 swaps on swap-bot, which is definitely counter-productive to my whole "I have no time" situation, but I can't help it. I'm excited to make all of the stuff (As I'm typing I'm waiting for the paper to dry for the handmade journal I'm doing) and equally excited to get stuff back in return. And I'm tempted to sign up for more. It is quite a paradox.

Also, my new battery from the Dell recall came, so now I can safely use my laptop again. Not that I ever stopped using it. I got the email saying it had just been shipped the same day it arrived, so obviously Dell does not have all their operations in synch quite yet. But that's okay, because I never have all of my operations in synch and they're a huge company. I might have to bother them again soon though, because the "i" key of my laptop broke off and now it's just the tiny suction cup-esque thing that I have to press and it's very annoying and doesn't always work.

In other news, I received another Bookmooch book in the mail yesterday, and I'm tremendously excited. It's Bram Stoker's Dracula, and I haven't even finshed Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 quite yet (almost, my reading keeps getting interrupted or I would have finished the first day). It's amazing how prompt the bookmooch kiddies are, while I still haven't received anything from the Flat Stanley Swap. My partner was very appreciative of the package I sent, I'm excited to see what she sends back.

Alas, now I have to go put together a two-minute mini presentation on some aspect of the Interpreter of Maladies for English, pre-write a 300 word essay (in French) on Asterix le Gaulois and possibly start my lab report for IB Enviro. Meh.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Baby Swans

I know that you aren't supposed to give pets as gifts. But my grandmother's cat, Peanut, died awhile ago, and she's all alone in the house and very lonely. So...her birthday was this past week, and we decided to get her a new kitten. We just picked it up from the animal shelter, it's adorable. It's a grey tabby girl, about 4 lbs., and quite shy. I named her Cygnet (fyi, cygnet=baby swan) cuz I was reading a book in which baby swans were featured and I think it sounds cooler than "Princess" or "Fluffy."
Right now she's in my room, running around like crazy, trying to find a safe spot. Actually, she's just discovered my mirror, and is trying to figure out who her twin stranger is. She's looking behind the mirror for her new "friend." I don't know why, but watching her do this is making me sad. And in a few minutes my grandmother will be here, and then Cygnet will have to go to a whole new home and be scared all over again. I hope she gets better with time, like wine.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

the hallowed halls of learning

So school started up again yesterday. I don't really mind I suppose. My classes are fairly interesting (Theory of Knowledge comes to mind) and being an upperclassman definitely has it's perks. Combine that with a kick-ass advisor and I should have a recipe for a fantastic year.

However...

Call it intuition, a sixth sense, or just plain common sense...it's going to suck. Majorly. I can feel it, and I know it with every particle of my being (or do i? TOK has taken hold already). What little social life I had last year has now disintegrated. I'm not one for partying or hanging out with people I don't genuinely like, but now I don't even have time to see the kiddies who rock my socks.

Other Things School Removes From My Sphere of Existence:

1.) Personal reading time. Reading is my sphere of existence in the summer, and the cashiers at barnes and noble know not just my name but also my favorite color and shoe size.

2.) Writing things other than analyses of Chaucer, Falkner, or Bronte (<---accents are beyond my technological capacity). This includes journaling, stories, music, pen pals, postcards, and everything that is not signed in accordance with the honor code which is BS, beeteedubs.

3.) Pursuit of non-credit intellectual knowledge. Read: my quest to teach myself German. I'm calling it an 8-month hiatus, but we all know that in 9 months I'll have to start all over again.

4.) Family. This one doesn't bother me so much, but so severe is my impending time crunch that I wonder if I'll be able to remember their faces by the end of term. Wait, I had a brother??!

5.) Sleep. When a bus pulls into my driveway at 0610 hours, sharp, and your homework keeps you sitting at a desk until 0200 hours, then lying in bed worrying about your homework/projects/papers/presentations/discussions/tests/quizzes/hybrid "quests"/exams until 0400 hours AT LEAST...well, at least at this stage I don't need to worry about mascara smudges under my eyes...they'll blend into the dark circles.

6.) TV. Another one that doesn't bother me so much. But the occasional episodes of CSI or West Wing are always welcome guests in my life. I wish my schedule had thought to invite them. How rude.

7.) Food. I do eat during the year...if you can call a Carnation Instant Breakfast for...you guessed it...breakfast, a bagel scarfed down in 3 minutes flat for lunch, and (hopefully) some lukewarm food delivered to me at my desk for dinner food.

8.) A Love Life. Another one I've never really cared about. I like to blame it on school, but I know it's really because I'm too shy.

9.) The Ability to Talk on the Phone. The only phone time I had last year was if it was a conference call with other people in my class for a study session. And that required a headset so that note-typing and text-referencing could occur simultaneously.

10.) Exciting mail. Iowa State College is not exciting. Iowa in general is not exciting. Offers for subscriptions to Seventeen are also not exciting. When I stop writing to my pen pals, they stop writing too. It's a sad cycle that is currently making it's 3rd circle.

That is my (not complete, but fairly detailed) list of activities, concepts, skills, time, and any other applicable nouns that school deprives me of. Now that I'm done ranting, I'm going to go do homework. Because that is my function.